I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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