dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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