Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
