he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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