You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize