I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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