You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
