I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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