Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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