I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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