I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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