I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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