loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
