As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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