Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
time to smoke my breakfast
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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