I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
