Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize