My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
