I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
