Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
