is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
