Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
