I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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