She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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