I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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