No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
