how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
