I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Everything about him screamed your future.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
