I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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