Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
