I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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