Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
