so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
