He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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