I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize