After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
