People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
