Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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