I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
