new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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