Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
