i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
