be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize