somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
