With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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