It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize