Sry I called you an 8
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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