I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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