"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
