We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
