If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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