Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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