talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
