Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
