Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
