i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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