I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
