I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
