my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
