yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
