u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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