Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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