you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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