I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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