the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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