He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
