Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
