oh god the rape fog is back!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
