i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
me + whiskey = a bad person
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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