You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
