i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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