bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
