You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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