plz talk dirty to me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize