They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
