I just made out with a guy for $7.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize