You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
