Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
