i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
