Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
