i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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