It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
