does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We left the knife in your bed.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
