then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize