He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
