If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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