I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
