I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
