why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
