WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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