I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
