i don't like sucking hair
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
