i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize