dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
