New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
