I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Two words: nipple clamps
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