She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
