Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
