so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize