and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
