I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
