3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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