Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
