Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
