I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
