the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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